Nintendo’s Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door Remake Goes Full Woke
by Jack Dunn
Did fragile and sensitive localizers use sensitivity readers to censor Nintendo’s Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door remake? It sure looks like Nintendo went full woke with the dialogue changes to appease the ever-fragile SJW crowd. Nintendo’s Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door remake was released last month, and censorship of the original witty dialogue has gone overboard. Nintendo’s efforts to eliminate bigoted and ableist dialogue have watered down many of the inimitable traits of the Paper Mario characters, with some of the substituted dialogue sounding just plain awkward.
Screenshots have appeared on X and reportedly, some of the flagrant dialogue changes in Nintendo’s Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door remake include:
Original Bowser: “I suppose I could live with a silent princess! It might even have its perks, you know”
Sensitive Bowser: “I could go for the strong, silent type...There are too many backseat bosses talking my ears off as it is!”
Original Goomba: “Hey! Hey, man! What’s up? Who’s the hottie you got there with you?”
Sensitive Goomba: “Hey! Hey, man! What’s up? You think it’s cool to just waltz your way into our underground?”
Original Princess Peach: “I...Maybe I should listen to Toadsworth and behave more like a princess from now on...”
Sensitive Princess Peach: “I...Maybe I shouldn’t wander off by myself quite so often”
The cat-calling Goombella saying "Wassup, baby? Why don't you hang with us for a while? We play real nice!"” has been completely omitted. But no more catcalling goombas or princess-like princesses weren’t enough for the lunatic woke crowd; Nintendo doesn’t tolerate ableist language either, you bigots:
Original Goombella: “Wait a sec’! This is crazy!”
Sensitive Goombella: “Wait a sec’! This is wild!”
Original Goombella: “And what was with all those crazy lights?”
Sensitive Goombella: “And what was with all those strange lights?”
Original Goombella: “Like I’d go anywhere with smelly lunatics like you!”
Sensitive Goombella: “Like I’d go anywhere with smelly losers like you!”
Original Goombella: “Phew! What a bunch of loons!”
Sensitive Goombella: “Phew! What a bunch of bozos!”
Original Goombella: “This one’s a health nut”
Sensitive Goombella: “This one’s the healthy kind of intense”
No more calling silly women airheads, either! Lord Crump's insult to Goombella in the prologue has been changed from "Oh come off it, you airhead!" to "Oh come off it! I know you're a nosy book nerd."
To ensure Nintendo covers the whole gamut of woke sensitivities, fat shaming won’t be tolerated either.
Original Bowser insulting his minion: "I order you to do some sit-ups, Tubby."
Sensitive Bowser: "I order you to do some sit-ups. And don't stop until even your hammer has abs!”
Original Kammy Koopa to Bowser after he falls through the floor in the Palace of Shadow: "His Chunkiness"
Sensitive Kammy Koopa: "His Impactfulness"
Time will tell how Nintendo’s Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door remake for sensitive audiences are received. Let us know in the comments what you think about Nintendo’s Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door remake.
I don’t think it’s Nintendo of Japan that’s done this. I think it’s the western Nintendo who do the translations that have woked it up. It’s put me off buying it.
My default position is avoid modern stuff since its all woke trash unless proven otherwise. Remakes are part of the problem.